was a bit 'I had a poem I wrote some years ago on the sisterhood of women, although a bit' late and my best wishes to all women, especially those who are suffering, telling you that you are not alone, just Elongation hand and look into your heart where there is the courage that every woman is a lioness!
Sisterhood
Oh Goddess,
Thanks to my sisters,
Thanks for the Sacred Circle
Thanks for the energy they give me,
Thanks for Life Spiral I have given,
Thanks for the Moon and the Sun in Me,
Thank you for what I am and what I will from here to eternity, in a continuous dance to you.
also take this opportunity to advertise a seminar to better understand the phenomenon of stalking to be held in Varese Tuesday, March 23, 2010 - 18:00, conference with free admission at the Palace of the Province of Varese, Conference Room, Liberty Square 1. Organized by the Municipality and the Province of Varese in collaboration with the Italian Association of Psychology and Criminology - Centre National Stalking (Organizing 0332/809237).
In this regard, place an interesting article found on www.benessere.com which I hope will be helpful to many women but also men who are victims of this phenomenon.
stalking
Some behaviors such as phone calls, text messages, e-mail, "surprise visits" and even sending flowers or gifts, are welcome signs of affection, However, at times, can turn into real forms of persecution that can restrict the freedom of a person and of violating his privacy, reaching even those who are to scare the recipient against his will.
to become "obsessive stalker" or "stalker" may be a known person with whom you had some kind of relationship or even a stranger with whom one has also clashed only by chance, perhaps for work purposes.
Pursuit, harassment and persecution may manifest itself in many forms.
They may be something can be persistent or sporadic manifestations of a social and psychological phenomenon known as the "stalking" but also called "syndrome of obsessive stalker," "obsessive pursuit" or even obsessional following. The more common terminology, that of "stalking" was coined for the purpose of representing symbolically, with an English language word that means "purpose", the attitude of those who put in place for this harassment and harassing is called a "stalker."
The "harasser harassing" obvious, in fact, a complex set of behaviors that are well summarized by the words enclosed in "doing email" which includes the wait, the chase, collect information on the "victim" and its movements, behaviors that are almost always "typical" of all the stalkers, beyond the observed differences in the situation to situation.
In fact, some studies on this phenomenon (Mullen PE & al., 2000) have distinguished two categories of conduct through which one can implement stalking.
* The first type includes communications intrusive, which include all of the conduct with the purpose of transmitting messages over their emotions, needs, on the pulse on the desires or intentions, both affective states related to love (even through coercion or employees) that feelings of hatred, rancor or revenge. The methods of persecution adopted, therefore, are forms of communication using tools such as telephone, letters, text messages, e-mail or even graffiti or murals.
* The second type of stalking behavior is made up of contacts that can be implemented either through direct control behaviors such as stalking or monitoring, or through direct comparison of behavior, such as home visits or on-site work, threats or assaults. Generally not found two types separate "pure" of stalkers, but harassment in mixed forms in which the first type, usually followed by a second kind of action.
stalkizzante behavior was outlined in its specific details that set it apart from similar behaviors (GM Galeazzi, P. Curci, 2001). In this regard, three are particularly important characteristics of a nuisance because you can talk about "stalking"
1. the actor in the harassment, the stalker, it acts against a person who is designated as a victim under an ideo-affective investment, based on a real situation or relationship partially or wholly imagined (depending on the personality of departure and the level of contact with reality maintained);
2. stalking occurs through a series of behaviors based on communication and / or the contact, but in any case characteristics from the repetition, persistence and intrusiveness;
3. linked to the psychological pressure "coercion" of the behavioral and psychological terrorism stalker made, place the victim stalkizzata, also known as stalking victim, in a state of alert, emergency and psychological stress. These feelings may be linked both to the psychological perception of persecutory behaviors as unwelcome, intrusive and annoying, that the concern and anxiety resulting from fear for their safety.
The compulsion that characterizes the behavior of stalking, and that should allow for even legally, he did suggest that this problem was a form of "obsessive." However, as has been observed, psychopathological disorders are characterized by obsessive ego-dystonic experiences relating to the conduct and, consequently, a malaise caused by the ideas, thoughts, mental images and surges from obsessive-related persecution. These feelings of distress and intrusion in reality are not usually present in the stalkers, on the contrary, they tend to even derive pleasure from persecution. Importantly
also that the stalking is not a homogeneous phenomenon, so it is difficult to retract the harassers harassing a specific diagnostic category or always identify the presence of a genuine mental illness reference. The stalkers are not always people with a mental disorder and, although there are some forms of persecution that are acted out in the context of a psychopathology, this is not always present as a condition there is always an abuse of substances associated with the behavior stalkizzante.
What is important to understand is that behind such behaviors as harassment can be hidden motivations very different. This conclusion was reached after studies that examined the psychological profile of many stalkers and, on the basis of which it has come to identify five types of stalkers, distinguished according to the needs and desires that are the engine of motivation.
1. A first type of persistent offender was described as "resentment". His behavior is driven by the desire to avenge a loss or who believe they have been wrong and it is fed by the quest for revenge. This is a rather dangerous category that could harm the image of the person first and then the person himself. The most serious problem is related to the lack of analysis of reality: why the anger is justified to consider their behavior that produces feelings of control over reality, in turn, tend to reinforce them.
2. The second type of stalker has been referred to as "in need of affection," a type that is motivated by the search for a report and attention that may affect their friendship or love. The victim is usually considered, because of generalization from one or more features observed even superficially, close to the "partner or friend to ideal," a person who can help you think through the desired relationship, to resolve the their lack of love or affection. Often the rejection of being denied re-interpreted and developed the belief he needs to unlock and overcome any psychological or practical difficulties. This category also includes a form called "sex maniac delusion," in which the need for affection is erotic and / stalker tends to read the responses in the victim's desire that he / she resists. The idea of \u200b\u200brejection, experienced as an intolerable attack on the ego, is rejected with great energy and high defense based sull'allontanamento structuring of real perception of the other, of his reaction and the real relationship that is replaced by imaginary.
3. A third type of persecutor is defined as "the incompetent suitor, who keeps a feeding behavior in their limited or no relational competence that leads to oppressive conduct, explicit, and when it fails to achieve the desired results, even aggressive and rude. This type of offender is generally less durable in pursuing the prosecution of the victim, but tends to repeat their behavior patterns change from person to harass.
4. There is also "the rejected", a persecutor who becomes such a reaction to a rejection. It is usually a former aims to restore the relationship or to take revenge for the abandonment. Often oscillates between two desires, behaviors manifesting extremely durable that can not be intimidated by the negative reactions manifestate dalla vittima: la persecuzione infatti rappresenta comunque una forma di relazione che rassicura rispetto alla perdita totale, percepita come intollerabile. Nella psicologia di questo tipo di “inseguitore assillante” gioca un ruolo cruciale il modello di attaccamento sviluppato che è una delle forme di tipo insicuro, in grado di scatenare angosce legate all’abbandono che creano una tendenza interiore, più o meno consapevole, a considerare l’assenza dell’altro come una minaccia di annientamento e di annullamento del Sé.
5. Infine, è stata descritta una categoria di stalker definita “il predatore” e costituita da un molestatore che ambisce ad avere rapporti sessuali con una vittima che can be followed, chased and frightened. Fear, in fact, picks up this type of stalker that feels a sense of power in organizing the attack. This kind of stalking can also affect children and may be done by people with eating disorders in the sexual sphere, such as pedophilia or fetishes.
Many people who are harassed harassing women of age more frequently between 18 and 24. However, certain types of persecution, such as those linked to resentment or fear of losing the respect that comes from being rejected, are aimed primarily at women aged between 35 and 44.
Some studies on the phenomenon in question showed interesting results that servono a riflettere ulteriormente sulle caratteristiche delle vittime di stalking e sull’importanza della relazione che, spesso solo nella mente dello stalker, si instaura con tutta la capacità di influenza che può esercitare una relazione reale. A questo proposito si è riscontrato che esiste una “categoria sociale a rischio di stalking” rappresentata da tutti gli appartenenti alle cosiddette “professioni d’aiuto”, vale a dire i medici, gli psicologi, gli infermieri e ogni altra sorta di “helper”. Ciò sembra trovare due spiegazioni: da un lato questi professionisti entrano in contatto con bisogni profondi di aiuto delle persone e possono facilmente divenire vittime di proiezioni di affetti e relazioni internalized, and secondly the excessive hopes for some "patients" may be betrayed by the daily work and stalking becomes a demand for attention or seeking revenge for the allocation of responsibility for the health or life of their own or their loved ones, aspects that are not in fact never completely in the hands of anyone.
Since not all stalking situations are alike, you can not easily generalize the behavior patterns of defense that must be adapted to circumstances and different types of persecutors.
However, there are some useful rules.
* First, no denying the problem. Often, since none vuole considerarsi una “vittima”, si tende a evitare di riconoscersi in pericolo, finendo per sottovalutare il rischio e aiutando così lo stalker. Il primo passo è allora sempre quello di riconoscere il problema e di adottare delle precauzioni maggiori rispetto a quelle adottate dalle persone che non hanno questo problema. Occorre informarsi sull’argomento e comprendere i rischi reali, seguendo dei comportamenti volti a scoraggiare, quando è possibile, gli atti di molestia assillante.
* Se la molestia consiste nella richiesta di iniziare o ristabilire una relazione indesiderata, è necessario essere fermi nel “dire di no” una sola volta e in modo chiaro. Altri sforzi di convincere il proprio persecutore insistente, including improvised psychological interpretations him / her tipped as in need of help and care, will be read as reactions to their behaviors and thus represent the reinforcements, as attention. The unwelcome return of a gift, a phone call from anger or a negative response to a letter they are warning signals that reinforce the stalking. * Behaviors
very effective guard against the risk of attacks are those where you go out without careful follow predictable routine and habits, more crowded at times and places not isolated, perhaps by adopting a dog trained to protect, a way that has proved very useful both as a practical defense to increase the feeling of security. * If
Telephone harassment is, do not change the number. Again, the frustration would increase the motivation to stalking. It is better to try to get a second line, leaving the old line to become one on which the offender may continue to call, and maybe reset the ringer and gradually respond less and less.
* To produce evidence of the harassment to the police, not to get the anger or fear, and collect more data on the possible inconvenience caused.
* It is useful to keep on hand more for a phone call in case of emergency.
* If you plan to be followed or in danger, never go for a ride home or a friend, but go by the police. Unfortunately
often, mainly because of legal rules that limit the actions of prevention of emergency situations, stalking behavior can be protracted with mainly negative psychological consequences for the victim, but also for those who act, and sometimes for the observer.
The victim, no matter how short the period in which it is pursued, is likely to keep long the actual injury. The consequences of stalking in fact, for those who suffer, are often different and have been dragging for a long time chronic. Depending on the type of acts occurred, and the emotions experienced could arise from anxiety and sleeping problems or nightmares, flashbacks, but also real square Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The stalker who acts compulsively tends to follow their needs and to deny reality, gradually damaging their mental health and quality of social life which deteriorate more and more, as and when persecution continues over time.
The public incidents of stalking can be restricted to a family audience, identifying the victim empathy, can develop concern for the loved one or vicarious forms of fear and anxiety. But the public at large, thanks to the important role of mass media, the society, in which the example of invasion of privacy can be tolerated a pattern of behavior which feeds the possibility of new phenomena, not least because those enactments are often explained (and justified in part) on the basis of "possible" going postal "or" excess of love. "
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